mood: paranoid music: 'thru the eyes of ruby' by the smashing pumpkins

today i managed to finish off my second notebook. (huzzah!) the third will be red.

i finished it whilst on top of ralph's again (btw, make that 3 cups total) but not without an interesting interruption. i'd been there the day before, and a security guard saw me. well the same guard was there, and this time he approached me. not to arrest me, but to make sure i wasn't homeless and living in my car. (which i kind of deserve from shopping at salvation army so much.) once it was established that i wasn't, he started going off on tangents left and right, touching on his past experiences with the car-abundant derelicts and their perverse se.xual acts, and even going on to preach the importance of staying in school. i can't honestly say i was interested, but i sure as hell faked it pretty well. as i realized that our less than focused conversation was nigh completed, i extended my hand and he took it, telling me that his name was dennis. i told him my name, and he left me to be alone on the roof once again.

on a side note, my school's award-winning annual art mag, windowpanes, came out. i was published alongside a photo montage including both the visages of jim carrey and einstein, as well as a giant hand holding a wooden rod of some sort. you'd think that this would be an action awarding great prestige and merit on my part, but they managed to ruin my moment by mispelling my first name all 3 times it appeared in the magazine. on the upside, at least they were consistent; they spelled it wrong the same way all 3 times.

*sigh* at least the poem published was one that means a great deal to me. here it is in all of its melancholic glory:

Glass Cage

not knowing where to go
while you’re marching in the rain
on a never-ending search
could you be as lost as i?

we meet
as fate would have it
each following our unknown paths
could this be it?

we gather from the same energy
we speak of the same language
we be from the same be
but with one subtle change
so slight, but highly prominent
could it be so woefully ironic?

my thoughts set free
my actions confined to a glass cage
while i let you cripple me and leave me
and i remain looking for what you could have offered
but never quite as complete as you are to me

and you always look back at me
but never again with the same face
as you continue your long march through the rain

---Goei---