mood: lonely music: 'lose my breath' by my bloody valentine

jeez, today's been an emotional rollercoaster for me. i can't seem to stick with one mood for more than an hour. i cycled through the basics: cheery, depressed, angry, lazy; then i went off into some other more odd ones: nostalgic, invisible, disenchanted, restless, optimistic, etc, etc. what a weird day. maybe it's hormones. maybe i'm pregnant. i think it's a girl.

today at work, a conversation struck up between myself and a twenty-something coworker named simeon. (pronounced see-mon in the indonesian inflection) he asked about my schedule; more specifically, he asked about my homework load. i told him i had a fair amount each night. he was shocked and i had no clue why. he proceeded to tell me that in indonesia students never get homework every night. i hadn't known that. apparently they get assignments only after every 3 days or so. anyways, after i asked him to tell me more, he went on to tell me of his fondest high school memories. there were lots of great stories: how his mother allowed him to smoke at 16, and even offered to buy him packs when he was short on cash; how his father lent him porn if he asked nicely; how he would dread going to school late, so if he was even a minute late he would just ditch completely; how he would meet with his friends at the billiards hall after school each day. there were lots more, each more happily recalled than the last. i thought of all the things he said and saw the smiles spread across his face, and i really wanted something similar. he went on to say, 'high school is where all the good memories come from,' in broken english. yeah it's too bad that my most recent memories are of drug use, betrayal, broken hearts, and separation. well, what can i say? welcome to the 21st century. it can suck. get used to it.

ok, ok, so i'm a little harsh. give me a break here. hormones remember? if there was ever one thing i loved, it's feeling sorry for myself. if there was ever one thing i hated, it's showing that i'm feeling sorry for myself. vicious cycle.

---Goei---