mood: two-faced music: 'you made me realise' by my bloody valentine

so yeah, i have a lot of homework. yeah, i've got 2 reports. yeah, there was a traffic jam to the doctor's office. yeah, i waited an hour and five minutes for the doctor. yeah, i've got an ear infection. yeah, my scalps hurts. yeah, i saw hilary swank wearing a yellow sundress on a cold cloudy night at my starbucks an hour ago. hmm, bad day.

she was getting her grande something-or-other. i caught her eye in my varicellic glance. was i expecting to be amazed? seeing celebrities in person really humanizes them. it really was nothing special. an oscar winning actress at the original corporate behemoth coffee chain getting her daily grind. wearing something borderline crazy for the sake of la mode. sounds mundanely lalalandish to me. now if i saw thurston moore getting a moroccan mint tea in a pint glass at unurban, that would be something. if kevin shields and my bloody valentine were smoking gauloises and sipping absinthe while practicing on top of long's at 1am, i'd probably be saying something like omfg teh valentinez r s0o0 teh r0x0rs!!!!!!111 orz orz orz

honestly, i've got nothing against hilary swank. i think she's very talented and admirable. i'm probably just way too jaded and cynical for fanboy status. as much as i love bringing people down, i'd rather watch movie stars from my seat in a darkened room. it's easier to imagine, and much easier to lust after them from the distance of the silver screen. a guy's gotta dream.

seeing her, though, made me think about who my real heroes are. after a few minutes i realized that i don't have any. that's not necessarily a bad thing, though. sure, i don't have anyone to model my life after, but that's never really what i ask for. it's not really what i want. that doesn't mean i don't look up to people. i greatly admire certain people for their qualities. i think kevin shields handles his underground icon status well: in seclusion. in my mind, thurston moore and the sonics are some of the only true artists left in the music world. but just because i respect these people and their ideals doesn't mean i'm destined to do the same as them. i'd rather develop as my own person, with their ideals in my sight, not as my longterm goals.

yeah, no heroes and an ear infection. i think i'll quit while i'm 'ahead'.

---Goei---