mood: anxiousmusic: 'vitamin c' by can

little children are dancing around in the playground. one falls in the sand. he can't stop laughing. a girl walks by and asks him if he's ok. he still laughs. maniacally.

my eyes open. 'fuck,' i mutter into the pillow. i toss and turn a bit and end up on my right side. through the broken plastic blinds, i can see pale blue light streaming onto the carpet. i sigh and look up at the digital clocks on my nightstand. it's 6:43AM, and nearing the third hour of my wretched sleeplessness. one more time, just for good measure, i half sigh, half yell into my pillow, 'fuck.'

i try to think about everything and nothing at the same time. i don't know, something to keep me occupied enough to not notice how uncomfortable i am. well obviously it doesn't work. in a spontaneous burst of rage i throw my lap pillow onto the floor.

nothing.

next is my shirt. goodbye shirt.

nothing.

then my blanket. ta ta blanket.

no relief in sight.

finally my pillow. with that i am now lying on my side with nothing but my blue plaid pajama pants and an eyes-closed glower the size of montana. sigur ros is playing in the background still. they're my last defense against insomnia. pure icelandic ether is surrounding my every fiber. perhaps i'll find solace in focusing on the bassline. ah, and my utter lack of icelandic comprehension makes it all the more beautiful. now it just sounds like babytalk. like sweet nothings. like dreams.

just then, *click*, the music stops. 'what the f-,' but i stop; i realize what happened. i put the 'auto-sleep' setting on 3 hours ago. how ironic, right? the freakin' machine fell asleep before me.

i reach around for the remote to turn it back on. where was it? i looked around on the mattress but it wasn't there.

oh!

look!

guess where it is! on the floor next to my expatriated pillow! huzzah! hitch a fucking ride why don't you?!

'so this is how it ends,' i mutter. i'm laying in bed with absolutely nothing but the shirt on my-- uh, scratch that. the pants on my ass.

'maybe sleep wasn't meant for me,' i say as i stare upwards. at this point there are strips of light for me to watch dance across the ceiling. it's slightly less blue now, and more of a glowing gold color.

---Goei---