mood: downtroddenmusic: 'but not for me' by billie holiday

here's an itinerary of the last 48 hours of my life:

wednesday:

- woke up at 1, felt like shit.
- did nothing for 5 hours, felt like shit.
- taught myself more html & css and remodeled the page, felt a little better.
- did nothing again for 4 hours, felt like shit.
- went to barnes & noble out of sheer boredom, felt nothing.
- hadn't had a cigarette in 22 hours, felt like shit.
- skimmed a book about the glamour of smoking, felt like shit.
- bought a new pack, felt better.
- realized i'm fairly addicted, felt like shit.
- bought coffee that was lukewarm, felt like shit.
- went home and ate too much, felt like shit.
- had a good conversation on aim with someone worth signing on for, on cloud 9.
- aim malfunctioned and kicked everyone off, felt like shit.
- took tylenol pm & a shower so hot it could have rendered me sterile, felt better.
- passed out early (2:30AM), felt nothing aka felt better.

thursday:
- woke up groggy at 3PM, felt like shit again.
- did nothing for 3 hours, felt like shit.
- helped my dad make dinner (meatloaf), felt a little better.
- ate too much again, felt like shit.
- plans for tonight were cancelled, felt like shit.
- did nothing for another 3 hours, felt like shit.

and now i'm about to have a cup of tea and god knows how many cigarettes. maybe i'll hope that someone can get me out of this rut. maybe not. here's to the laws of cycles and moderation.

---Goei---

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ps » sorry about being overly angsty, but goddammit it's been a while since i could wallow in self pity. give me a break.