mood: neglectedmusic: 'all i need' by my bloody valentine

why am i feeling neglected? who knows. perhaps a dopamine misfire.

today, they were painting the band room at sergio's house, so we got cramped into his bedroom without legitimate drums, effects, or a mic. nevertheless we did a version of the song 'dance!' using the percussion setting on the keyboard for drums. i didn't feel like improvising so i ended up screaming the marketing bullshit on the back of a pack of crayola colored pencils for lyrics. it worked oddly well.

i'm getting that same feeling about my bed as i did last night. i never make my bed anymore, so it has that cold wrinkly comfort to it everytime i dive into the sheets after those periods of consciousness.

speaking of which, i woke up groggy at 2PM today after getting a text from nikki. good thing, because the only time i remember a dream is when someone interrupts my sleep. there were two surreal yet oddly real dreams. the first was of me at a starbucks on an overcast day. i was inside with nikki and got my order already, so i went outside to find chris. there were those really artsy flatscreens everywhere playing a loop of a seemingly random but multi-interpretable scenes. very east german-like. you know the sort. 'vvvelcome to shprockets. my name is dieter.'

the second was far more cruel than unreal. i was in my room with someone faceless but familiar. my mom called from the living room so i excused myself and went there. standing next to the couch was my aunt who was deported a year and a half ago. i said, 'ik tat?' (her name) and ran up to her and gave her a huge hug, even though it was one of those 'dream hugs' where you can't seem to grasp anything at all. then my phone went off and she faded away. my mind is so cruel to me sometimes.

---Goei---