mood: explodingmusic: 'come as you are' by nirvana

i can feel the surge of energy rushing down to my fingertips. instantly my muscles tense and flex. i want to hurt him. i want to hurt him badly.

i want to swing and destroy. i want to negate existence. as passive as i had tried to be in the past, all of it was escaping now in one emote swoop.

but i stare up into the blue lights on my ceiling and i can only swing and miss, swing and miss. no one is here now. all that's left is me. me and my urge to kill. to destroy. to maim. to massacre. to negate. the biggest adrenaline rush of my life leaves me helpless to feed it. helpless to appease the growing need for blood.

all i can do is sit and stew in my own frustration. i ram my face into my covers and i scream. and i scream. and i scream. until the screaming dies down into a whimper. until the whimper fades into a gasp. and now the only thing left is the face of a grown man, spilling his sorrows onto his own bedsheets. eyes wet, nose running, sheets marked with proof of his weakness.

i sit and wait for redemption to come. and i wait. and i wait.

i know it will come. but i have to wait for that door to knock. for that beautiful face to appear. for the savior of my mind (or what's left of it) to walk into my blue-lit room and ask the most obvious but also the most relaxing question ever uttered from a pair of cherry lips: 'brandon, what's wrong?'

---Goei---