mood: watery
music: 'logical' by shuttle 358
tonight i am very tired, but for some reason, sleep doesn't seem to be the answer. all i can think about is how sleep truly feels, and the truth is that it feels like nothing, and that's what is so good about it. it's a chance to drift off to a place where everything is emancipated from meaning and thought and being merge into one.
but that doesn't appeal to me for some reason. at least not for the moment.
i want rest, but i want it in a different medium. perhaps something in the form of a blog entry. maybe a couple minutes of repetitive music from artists i know nothing about. maybe i just need to figure out what i'm alive for. that ought to be quick. i live solely for pine nuts and pistachios. done.
in reality, i'm still just a kid with too much. i wonder what it would be like to have less. would it make me more pure of a being? or would it just remind me how submerged i am in tools and technology? if i had nothing, who would i be? could i even say that i was still myself? and if i was not myself, then who would i be to others? would i even know them if i knew them? wouldn't they know me differently and vice versa? the questions in my head are like letter blocks waiting to spell a new word with each new rearrangement.
this song is pissing me off now.
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