mood: ramblingmusic: 'howl!' by bat for lashes

dear readers, i feel like there are no more left of you.

the last two years have been ripe with change and transition, and as my parents move away, i find my way in transition to being in transition. an infinite regress. that's not the way i want to go. spiraling between halves of halves of halves until the day i die. that's the way lives are spent and lost.

i want to be able to say that my goals are goals, but it bothers me that you can't have goals without a lack of something. to desire is to lack, after all. what do i think of goals where all i want is something? what if my goal is to want nothing? is that the meaning of my life? to achieve and preserve the zen lunatic way?

my readers, you are nothing. you are no one. you are nobody. and even when i write to nobody i write to myself in the process. everything is a thing and it makes sense but it doesn't and sometimes is drives me crazy. but maybe i'm just rambling and rolling along, letting my tongue get the best of me again. shoving my foot in my mouth as i let myself drift along and live my life in blatant regress like the rest.

maybe i'm just meant to keep examining the regress in regress, thinking of something, and what about it?, and that's the answer, and why is that?, and thinking of something. maybe it will somehow, someway end in me basking in zen sun supernovas, taking in the nothing, embracing it, and letting it go again, a changed man. maybe the only ways to achieve it are my two options: examination and disregard.

but which way is really the better one?

---Goei---