mood: nausea-prone music: 'blue line swinger' by yo la tengo

i can't figure it out. why haven't i fallen off the deep end yet? i don't have a de.athwish or anything, but i don't think i'm self-assured enough to hold on to my sanity for much longer. i don't really have too much to lay my dreams on. many many things have fallen apart in the last week or so. i've probably got a little hope to hang on to, because without that, there's no point to live. yet i can re-examine everything top to bottom, left to right, outside to inside, and i still it's nigh-impossible to find where that last morsel, that last shred of dignity and hope is. yet, i'm still here. trudging incessantly. but, um, towards nothing.

i suppose the best thing i can do now is try to forget my worries. it's actually not that hard anymore. if there's anything i've learned in my life so far, it's that

everyone can smile.

---Goei---