mood: stuck music: 'cupid come' by my bloody valentine

i am having a really bad weekend. yes, it merits an italicized 'really'.

i've been feeling like crap lately, and i was looking towards the weekend optimistically. this weekend was supposed to restore me so i could deal with everything that's going to come up in the following weeks. instead, on friday i felt no better. everything i was planning was coming late and ruining other plans. i tried to go to amoeba music in hollywood to sell some old cds and buy some new ones i've been jonesing for for a while, but the traffic was like a huge concrete block, so i bailed. instead i went to a cafe to just sit down with a cup of tea and avoid the traffic. i stayed there for maybe an hour before i was called to come back to westchester. it took me another hour to go 5 miles.

when i got back i wasn't in the best spirits, but tried to feel better. honest. i couldn't help but feel agitated and sedated at the same time, though. finally, something went my way: we decided to go to the santa monica promenade to walk around. they put christmas lights on all the trees and it looked so beautiful, but it felt like i was the only one who noticed them at all.

we went into urban outfitters for a while; it's my favorite place to imitate hipsters now. then we went outside, and much to my delight, a jazz guitarist/bassist duo had set up right in front of the store. they were really great. i must've stood out there for quite a while, or at least long enough to annoy my friends, because they started to drag me away. they didn't realize that that was the only reason i wanted to go. i gave the performers some money and eventually rejoined my friends. it was so stupid though; they walked off about 100 ft. to some random spot next to a saxophonist and sat down. i really don't like contemporary saxophone. and we were just far enough away to not be able to hear the guitar/bass duo. so i sat on the curb with them while they went off into their ambiguous pairs. when we left, i felt compelled to play my music really loud so i wouldn't have to listen to them.

the next day, i woke up late. around 2PM. i ate a small breakfast and took a shower because i wanted to go to the record store in hollywood before the traffic picked up again. well i looked outside and my car was gone. my dad took it to go fix my tail light. 'ok,' i thought, 'it'll be fast.' he left a note saying he'd be back soon. he rolled back into the driveway at around 330. so after that i hit the road with my old cds. i had about 20, and i was planning to get a hell of a lot of store credit. the traffic was still pretty bad, but not as bad as the evening before. i took the back street behind amoeba and was turning left onto the street with the parking garage on it, when i heard a honk, a screech, and a crash. i hit somebody. god, i was shaken up. i pulled off the road and exchanged information with him. he was pissed but reasonable; he had been coming home from the bodyshop and a new paintjob, but he had a daughter who went through the same thing. a full hour later, i pulled into the garage with my right fender mangled and my flip-light stuck halfway.

i went into the store with a plastic bag full of cds and gave them to the appraiser to give me a price. would you believe that they came up to an overall cost of $5? 20 freaking cd's for $5. i passed. he said, 'sorry,' and walked away. so my cds are put on hold again for another weekend. as i walked out of the store, i remembered i needed to get my parking validated. i went up to the counter and asked them, but they refused because i hadn't bought anything. so i ended up having to pay $3 dollars for nothing. i went home with 20 old cds, a busted right fender, $7 in my wallet, and the worst feeling in the world.

after getting back, i went with my friends to go out to eat. i had a decent time but i was feeling down the whole time. i really need to get over somebody. and the evening ended like that.

today, i'm facing a tough workday. i've got to write request letters for my recommendations, a first draft for the uc essay, and a first draft for a research paper on edgar allan poe. plus i have math and french homework, and i've got to work on my uc application, which is due in 9 days. hopefully, by thanksgiving i'll have left this residual hate for the world behind.

if you see me next week, leave me alone.

---Goei---