mood: in denial
music: 'sugar kane' by sonic youth
there's something primal about a shower. something synthesis-like. you're completely naked as the day you were born, first of all. then the water is (usually) hot and cleansing. throughout the shower, you're scrubbing yourself clean of everything you might have picked up from the outside world externally. also, privacy is essential. completely isolated from that same outside world, you have nothing to inhibit yourself from self-retrospection. basically organizing thoughts about past events and emotions, and making sense of them. bringing closure. then when you come out, you feel fresh and new, and ready to face the world again until the next shower.
i wrote another song, which is rare since i usually don't have the organization to deal with arranging, writing and all that good stuff. this time, it's definitely shins-influenced, since all i have is an acoustic guitar at home and 'new slang' stuck in my head.
Sergio Somma
The ferry ride’s exotic
But the costs are overblown
So I guess I’ll stay and watch them
Coming in and out alone
Of the harbor full of people
Of all sizes, shapes, and names
And who knows which of those people
Are the first to take the blame
For my crimes
I could be guilty, I don’t know
For my crimes
My soul is heavy and it shows
Rows of bowling pins called people
Dreaming outside of their lives
Until bowling balls in torrents
Knock them off. Their beauty dies.
In some forest stuck in Dreamland
Near some lake so far away
Some sweet fairy child listens
Some sweet fairy child prays
That I’d die
That I’d take one step and fall for good
That I’d die
Won’t you save me? I wish you would.
So I sit and watch those people
Going in, out, to, and fro,
‘Til I gather all my things and
I get up and start to go
And I take a step and pause, ‘cause
In my chest my heart won’t beat.
And I fall down dead, above me,
Pointy ears and pointy feet.
Crucified
It’s such a great loss, yes, I know.
Crucified
Don’t bother showing your great woe.
2 comments:
Good job. People as bowling pins, fairy children anticipating human death. But the part about your crimes and blame and guilt feels too driven. I think harbors, the sea, bridges, mountains, caves, and all kinds of places that get exploited metaphorically are essential, at least to me, as reflection points in the course of life.
ah, touche. i felt the same way, but that was partly what i was going for. the character is bemoaning themself to the point of a constant sarcastic whine. then the most ironic thing occurs when they forecast their own doom exactly.
i tried to get the reader to have a 'shut up!' reaction to the character so as to add disbelief that anything of that sort was to happen. that way the irony would be heightened. but i don't think it came out exactly the way i thought it would.
i'll be revising it shortly, but keeping this version up for comparison.
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