mood: odd music: 'melon yellow' by slowdive

you know, i think i've gotten over my appearance. if the world wants to stay away from me because of my pox-face, then fuck'em. isn't that what i wanted not too long ago, anyways? i'll give any freddy krueger impersonator a run for his money.

my cigarettes taste different. maybe it's because i haven't had one in nearly a week, or maybe it's because all i've had to eat has been porridge, water, tylenol PM, and Valtrex, but they don't kick quite the same way. kinda nutty. either way, it was nice to actually go outside for a while. not counting the long wait in the car at the doctor's office (which i hardly remember) this is the first time i've stepped outside since friday night. it's perfect outside right now: cloudy, not too cold, and raining a slight mist. on top of that, the itching is coming back slowly, which means i'm scabbing/healing, and i'm extremely well-rested thanks to the tylenol pm. i think i sleep an average of 18 hours a day. (this really is a childhood symbol, huh?) the isolation hasn't really bothered me up to this point. i have music, nourishment, medicine, and books to pass the time. honestly, it's like house arrest, but not as boring as the stereotype suggests.

what's weird is my new-found ability to stare at walls for long periods of time. i don't know why i do it, but sometimes i just sleep, but without closing my eyes. yeah, i'm pretty sure it's the meds, but i'm not hungry or thirsty, and i'm always a little bit woozy.

still, i hope this all passes in good time. i find myself often wondering how things will have changed once i return to the outside world. i'm thinking rip van winkle, but i doubt it'll be that melodramatic.

---Goei---