mood: superb, not really, actually not at allmusic: 'bells ring' by mazzy star

what a shitty weekend. a grand comeback to the world of the weekend warriors. i resorted to nihilistic tomfoolery to keep people from asking what was wrong. that's the way i'm handling things right now. things aren't ironic enough sometimes, and that's when you've just got to act the exact opposite of how you feel. it might be unhealthy but when was the last time people asked you if everything's okay when you were irrationally manic? surely the random shrieks keep peoples' mouths shut. and who's got the courage to come up to me for a hug when i'm bouncing off the walls?

now, though. now i'm alone again and free to wallow. ah, one day i'll move away. i do love my friends, but one day i'm going to go away for a month at a time. darting back and forth between cities, between states, between countries. maybe i'm getting too into on the road, but i think it's a sign that the horribly scattered lifestyle of sal paradise isn't bothering me so much. dean and the beats are making sense to me by destroying everything that makes sense. that's what they do, i guess.

oddly enough, i might be traversing the continent to spend some time in new york with christian. he mentioned this plan to me a month ago, but i never told a soul for fear that it wouldn't go through. he's got a relative we can shack up with for a week, and the only things left are the tickets. we're almost set with a fair fare. sure, my dad's hounding me. that's his job. if all goes well, and the things i've heard about nyc are true, it'll be one hell of a different experience. i'm looking forward to visiting the east village the most, but that's just because of the beats. the east village is where avant-garde lives. free jazz, art punk, and no wave all found their roots in that neighborhood. i'm sure in the week we're planning to stay there we'll find more than enough places with live shows to die for.

i'm pretty sure my stint with ironic moods is going to keep up for a few more days. it's taken off and is out of my hands at this point.

---Goei---