mood: offmusic: 'i'm so lonesome i could cry' by cowboy junkies

people sometimes ask me why i hate the holidays. i can never answer that question directly. honestly, it's not a hate of the holidays. more like a heightened sense of dislike. hate lite©.

i just came home to find that home isn't home anymore. at least it doesn't feel like it. l.a. has become a place to watch the remnants of past lives go awry. that doesn't mean good times are non-existant. it just means they're substantially more fake and short-lived. those good times are now just reminders of times gone by and left behind forever. left behind for the sake of college and adulthood and life.

so is it any wonder i feel so off everytime i come home? with a bizarro-life staring at me right in the face, it's a wonder i ever survived here without an addiction or at least some drama. oh, wait...

speaking of which, in an ironic twist that seems obligatory with all of my actions, i've quit smoking 'cold turkey' around thanksgiving. it's been a week since my last cigarette and i'm doing fine. still, i find myself more receptive to every and all stimuli.

from 150 miles away, i can feel every and all tweaks in personality.

---Goei---