mood: outmusic: 'are you there?' by mono

PICTURE POST!!!
Tonight's Edition: Weird Fruit Buffet

1. Durian

of course I start with the most infamous of southeast asian fruits. natives tend to live by this fruit. i say it looks good but smells like rotting turkey sausage. the downside: it also tastes like rotting turkey sausage.

my cousin said he brought one of these in to work to eat with his lunch. within half an hour, someone came up to his cubicle and told him to get out of the building as soon as he could. apparently someone smelled a gas leak. when he evacuated, he left the fruit in his car and pleaded ignorance. says something when fresh fruit smells like flammable gas doesn't it...

2. Mangosteen

durian is the king of fruits and mangosteen is the queen. the red rind stains like blood and tastes extremely bitter, but the inside is sweet and tart and, oddly enough, like a juicy custard. sounds gross, right? well, at least this one tasted good. durian had the custard texture while tasting like (all together now) rotting turkey sausage.

3. Buah Naga (Dragonfruit)

this one kinda surprised me. i felt like it should have exploded in a pyrotechnic display when my aunt cut it open, but instead it behaved like a normal fruit. it didn't have too much flavor, but i liked it.

4. Rambutan

if you couldn't tell, rambutan is related to lychee. the only difference is that it's not as sickly sweet. the name is indonesian and literally means 'hairy'. not even 'hairy fruit' but just 'hairy'. i like to think of the zoloft pork bun as an adventurous goth-hippie.

5. Duku

this is another variation on the lychee-type fruit. this one is much easier to eat than the troublesome rambutan though. it does, however, have about 7-8 times as many seeds. the flesh of the fruit is translucent, sweet, and juicy, but as soon as you nick an edge of one of the seeds, your mouth tastes like the US women's gymnastics team with silver medals around their necks: bitter.

6. Jambu Air (Wax Apple)

ok, so the name of this thing means literally 'water guava', but it doesn't look or taste anything like a guava inside or out. the common name in chinese is 'wax apple' but it doesn't look or taste anything like an apple either. it's more like a firm watermelon with the aftertaste of a yellow bell pepper. i was not a fan.

7. Jeruk Bali (Pomelo)

TBD. we were going to try this one tonight too, but by the time we were about to cut it open, we had eaten 6 other kinds of fruit already, and before prowling the night market for those fruits we just finished eating singapore's famous char kway teow. and by 'eating' i mean 'stuffing ourselves with', because with my family and food, when it rains it pours.

so it's to be determined. wikipedia says it's basically a mild grapefruit. i like to focus more on the fact that the fucking thing is bigger than my head including the helmet of hair.

in conclusion: what the fuck, man? who's been keeping these fruits from me for the last 21 years? yeah i realize they weren't that good, but you would think that somewhere along the way, with all of my jetting around here and there that i would notice that there was such a thing as a fucking dragonfruit and a grapefruit the size of a 20-pound bowling ball.

yours,
brandon.

---Goei---