mood: sick
music: 'memorial' by explosions in the sky
you are the one whose life is ruled by those around you. you the pushover. you the geek. you so emo. you the misfit. you the sometimes miscreant. you the hopeful. you the hopeless. you the one who writes these things in hopelessly nostalgic beat form.
will there ever be a day that plays our exactly like an explosions in the sky song? full of triumph and valor as much as sorrow, but still empowering to listen to. to live to. days like those are the type i love and dread, because the ups signal the intros to the downs. and after 9 minutes of sound and/or 24 hours of life, the chart goes off the chart, and the spikes can fold and fissure. the seams will burst like dams, under the pressure of a billion years' worth of water. and the funny thing is, it feels like that pressure is always the same to me and everyone else. always compressed into the 20 years we learn, live, and grow. will it destroy itself after then? leaving me with the remains of an adolescence quivering and weeping the light of the true world.
shaking without words. oddly nostalgic. nostalgic of those days when everything fucked me up, but i was invincible. when it all made me cry and lose my breath, but minutes later, lose my breath laughing. to a timethat i hated so much i won't realize that i loved it until it's long gone and the doldrums of a normal life passed in and through me and all around me until i'm suffocated by that society. whatever it may be. it might as well write me a memorial now. because i'll want to disappear again.
maybe not into oblivion, but into another new zipcode. and that zipcode will be the host of my new lukewarm adventures. my foray into the known unknown.
my hopeless case. the one that's ruled by hope.
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